Dating and Relationship Advice from the Song of Solomon
By Stephen Terry
Here are some pointers from the time of King Solomon for
those seeking love today.
1. "If you do not know, most beautiful
of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young
goats by the tents of the shepherds." Song of Songs 1:8, NIV
If you have ever wondered why your
friends are in relationships and you are not, this might be the reason. If you
want to meet members of the opposite sex, you must go where they are. While it
is fun to hang out with your buddies and work on cars, or to hang with your
girl friends at the mall, it will not improve the prospects of meeting your
future beloved.
This verse also tells us that if you
want a faithful spouse who can support you, look among the workers.
Finding such a person at a bar or a wild party might happen, but the odds
are against it. Don't confuse superficial fun and true romance. They are not
the same. Instead of searching for a life partner at parties, try
volunteering for a worthy cause. You might be surprised at whom you will meet.
2. "Daughters of
Don't force a relationship to happen.
Instead, let it happen. If it is meant to be, it will come. While you are
forcing a relationship that isn't meant to be, someone who truly loves you may
not make themselves known to you because they are assuming you are not
interested. Don't enlist friends to try to make things move along.
If you make things happen that are not meant to happen, both of you may
be feeling regret and guilt later. You may also feel trapped by
circumstances into making a commitment that neither of you was really ready to
make.
3. "See! The winter is past; the
rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of
singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land."
Song of Songs 2:11-12, NIV
Take advantage of the seasons. Something
about spring turns thoughts to love and romance. As the Rolling Stones recognized
in their song "Paint It Black," "I see the girls walk by dressed
in their summer clothes..." the opposite sex is more interesting after the
short, grey days of winter give way to the longer, more colorful days of spring
and summer. This is why parents tell their children about the birds and the bees, when these two creatures return in the spring, love is
in the air. Don't ignore opportunities to discover new relationships.
4. "Until the day breaks and the
shadows flee, turn, my beloved, and be like
a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills." Song of
Solomon 2:17, NIV
While great relationships can be
discovered during the day while sharing common activities like volunteering for
a worthy cause, the real work of romance takes place after the work is done for
the day. Make sure to spend time together when you can devote all of your
attention to each other. The night, when the duties of the day are
forgotten, is usually the best time to be close. Don't fill the time with
TV or the internet. They are a poor substitute for intimacy.
5. "...I held him and would not
let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room
of the one who conceived me." Song of Solomon 3:4, NIV
Recognize that any relationship is not
between two people but between two families. Involve the families in the
courtship. If the families are not on board at the beginning of the
relationship, don't expect things to miraculously change just because YOU love
the other person. If you do not feel the need to listen to your family,
remember when things don't work out, lovers will divorce you, families do not.
They will still be your family when everything else falls apart.
6. "I opened for my beloved, but
my beloved had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I
looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not
answer." Song of Solomon 5:6, NIV
Don't let love pass you by because you
weren't ready for it. While you don't want to force love, you also don't
want to lose it when it comes your way. This is not talking about a
desperate longing for love, but a recognition that it is there and should not
be ignored. Love is a blessing from God, and He does not force his
blessings on anyone. If you are looking for someone to aggressively
shower you with affection, this is not God's way. God is love. Love
should run deep and strong like a mighty river that is calm on the surface but
has deep currents not readily apparent to the casual observer.
God's will is that each of us experiences
the joy and happiness of love. He did not create us to be alone (see
Genesis 2:18), but to find fulfillment and joy in relationship with one
another. May this be your experience as well.